


The Adventures of Bucky Barnes: Gay Meme Lord and Bane of Sam Wilson's Existence

by Enochianess



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Crack, M/M, Memes, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sam Wilson is So Done, The Author Regrets Nothing, bucky is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 04:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18732052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enochianess/pseuds/Enochianess
Summary: "Sam, Sam," Bucky hears Steve saying. "What the fuck did he do?""He's a- a- He's a fucking memer!"Basically, Bucky spends too much time researching and laughing at memes and vines and he uses them to destroy Sam Wilson's life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have been trying to give myself a meme-education and I thought... what if Bucky was introduced to memes by Shuri and has spent the past however long obsessively researching them, staying up all hours watching vines and funny cat videos and just generally becoming an even bigger nuisance to Sam than normal??
> 
> Then, this baby story was born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a very short first chapter, but I wanted to see whether people like the idea of it or not before I start writing a novel

"Bucky?" Sam says, waving his hand in front of Bucky's blank face, "You okay, man?"

It's silent for a moment, but then, "Who the hell is Bucky?" 

"Uh... Steve!" Sam calls out. "I think we got a prob-"

"I'm... JOHN CENA," Bucky yells, jumping to his feet and sending Sam sprawling backwards onto his ass.

"Sam?" Steve says as he walks into the living room. "Uh... what's going on?"

"I'm going to fucking kill you," Sam says darkly, eyes narrowed at Bucky. "Run."

Bucky squeals with delight, pushing Steve aside as he makes a run for the bathroom, only just managing to lock it before Sam gets to him. 

"You open this damn door!" Sam yells, pounding against it with his fists.

"Sam, Sam," Bucky hears Steve saying. "What the fuck did he do?"

"He's a- a- He's a fucking _memer!"_

"A what?"

"I'm trapped!" Bucky yells, pretending to cry. "I'm trapped in a glass cage of emotion! Save me, Stevie!"

"You locked the fucking door, you asshole!" Sam shouts. 

The door opens and Bucky stares at Sam, the corner of his mouth twitching as he tries to contain his grin. "I don't think that memes, what you think it memes."

"What? That doesn't even make sense," Sam says, throwing his arms up. "I'm so done with your hundred-year-old ass, I swear to fucking god."

"You wish you had my ass."

"Shut up."

"You wanna touch it?"

"What?"

"He's gonna touch the butt!" Steve whispers excitedly.

"Fuck both of you," Sam sighs, yelling out unintelligibly as he walks off to his room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter while I'm brainstorming actual plot

> Shuri: WATCH THIS --[vines that toast my buns](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfaPJZ0n66k)
> 
> Bucky: What’s a vine?? And what do they mean by ‘toast my buns’?? That makes no sense 
> 
> Shuri: Google it, dumbass 
> 
> Shuri: That’s a meme, by the way 
> 
> Shuri: Google that too  

This is how it starts.

Three weeks later, Steve walks into their bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, water dripping down his bare chest, fresh from a shower. Bucky's first reaction, much to Steve's surprise, is to say, "Goodness, girl... you  _huge."_

"Excuse me?" Steve splutters, his cheeks red.

Naturally, this is the point where Bucky smiles devilishly at Steve, wiggles his eyebrows, and gets off their bed to stand in front of him, doing hip thrusts and singing, "I like 'em big, I like 'em chunky, I like 'em big, I like 'em plumpy, I like 'em round, with somethin' somethin'."

"Buck!" Steve snaps. The redness has gone all the way from his cheeks down to his chest and he looks  _mortified._

"You don't get the reference do you?" Bucky says, sighing.

"Do you think I'm fat or something?" Steve looks down at himself with a frown.

"No, sweetheart," Bucky says, leaning forward to kiss Steve's cheek. "Now get dressed, we gotta watch a very important movie."

Sam walks in to find the pair of them curled up on the couch watching _Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa,_ Bucky stroking his hand over Steve's front and kissing his neck. Sam raises his eyebrows at them, but leaves the moment Bucky says, "When a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone!" and proceeds to shove his hand down Steve's pants. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, another short chapter. I'm a terrible person.

Since Bucky came back from Wakanda a few months ago, he has been helping Sam and Steve in their mission to clear out every HYDRA base they can find. It doesn't come as much of a surprise to Bucky that a lot of them are still operating. After all, cut off one head, two more shall take its place. He offers what intel he can, but his mind is still a bit of a minefield and it's not always easy. He's not a spy at the end of the day. He's a soldier. So, he does what he does best and follows Fury's orders or Steve's orders and makes sure that the three of them come out of each mission whole.

Today, they're hitting a base in Arkansas. It's small and secure and that makes it a bitch to infiltrate, but easy enough once they're inside.

Bucky, Steve and Sam work well as a team. They move smoothly with and around each other, frightening the HYDRA operatives into running around like headless chickens, but to no avail.

Bucky shoots the last of the HYDRA agents in the forehead and snaps his neck for good measure.

"Was that really necessary?" Sam says disapprovingly, watching as Bucky gets to his feet. "You already shot the guy."

Bucky stares at him, dabs, and then brushes past him to get outside. He doesn't like to hang around after a mission is completed. 

"Did he just... dab?" he hears Sam mutter to Steve.

Steve sighs heavily. "I don't even know what that means."

"He kills someone and fucking  _dabs._  Your boyfriend is a psychopath."

Bucky gets in the car and waits for them to join him. The second the doors are shut and locked and they're on the road, Bucky starts to loudly sing, "I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm."

Sam snorts. "Like you feel guilty for that shit."

Bucky shrugs. "HYRDA nearly took  _everything_ from me."

"He knows, Buck," Steve says softly from the back seat.

"This bitch empty," Bucky says, knocking on his skull. "YEET!"

Sam jumps in the driving seat and swerves before pulling straight again. "Dude! What the fuck?" he yells. "I swear, you are the definition of a chaotic gay."

"Buck, that's not funny," Steve says.

"It was a little funny," Bucky replies, turning his head to wink at him and blow him a kiss. 


	4. Chapter 4

"Buck?" Steve murmurs sleepily, rubbing at his eyes as he shuffles into the living room. He looks ridiculously adorable considering his size, and Bucky can't help but want to bundle him in blankets and carry him back to bed.

"What are you doing up, pal?" Bucky says quietly, patting the spot on the couch beside him.

"Cold without you."

Bucky smiles as Steve settles next to him and curls into his side. He puts his arm around him and kisses the top of his head.

"Maybe..." Steve says, nuzzling into Bucky's chest. "Maybe you should see someone... y'know, about the not sleeping? I know you come out here almost every night."

Bucky picks up his mug from the side table and takes a sip of his coffee, stroking Steve's back with his other hand. "Maybe," he says.

Shuri may be a genius, and she may have been able to help him gain control against his trigger words, but even she couldn't take away his pain or his trauma. That is something that Bucky is going to have to work through by himself and he knows that. Nightmares are still a major issue, and most nights, Bucky holds Steve until Steve falls asleep and then he creeps back out into the living room to watch Netflix or funny videos on YouTube. He drinks coffee after coffee, even though it doesn't do anything with the serum, in the hopes that maybe it will help keep him awake. If he never goes to sleep, he'll never have to have a nightmare. It's not sound logic, he knows that, but he finds himself thinking it anyway.

"What are we watching tonight then?" Steve asks.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to stay up with me," Bucky says softly. "You can go back to bed, baby."

"Nah, I wanna hang out with you."

Bucky smiles and kisses Steve's head again. "Parks and Rec, if that's okay with you."

"Mm."

Bucky leans forward to bring his laptop screen back to life and then presses play.

"Buck?" Steve murmurs, on the edge of sleep.

"Yeah?"

"I love you and I like you."

Bucky pulls him tighter against his chest and replies, "I love you and I like you."

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr](http://enochianess.tumblr.com) and on [twitter](http://twitter.com/buckyandsteeb)
> 
> If you liked it, please leave kudos or comments!


End file.
